This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
