If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize