Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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