My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
