By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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