I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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