I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
