Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
