So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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