I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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