I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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