tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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