Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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