did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
