Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
