Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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