Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
