god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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