While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
