I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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