That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
