Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
