I wish I could punch you in the face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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