I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
