Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
