You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
