Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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