I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
