Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Two words: blizzard sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
