Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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