Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
