last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
