wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
