I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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