the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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