So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
