24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
