seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
