man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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