Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
tell your sister to shave her snatch
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
