Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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