i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
