she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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