Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
