You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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