My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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