we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
