I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
