return my video game
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
