I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
