My hand turned me down
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
