so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
