I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
