the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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