Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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