3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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