After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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