did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
