I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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