Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize