when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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