I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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