the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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