all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
