the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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